Tales Of Women And Their Take On Domestic Violence

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“He wouldn’t hurt me. My boyfriend said so – I am his dove. He says he will take care of me since I am so pure and innocent. He wouldn’t hurt me, intentionally. I mean, it was an accident. I’m so clumsy. I always have been. It’s nothing, really. When he moved his hand in the air, I hurriedly turned and so, we clashed. That was it. I mean, he loves me. He loves me so much. He wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Abuse is damaging on various levels—to the body, the psyche, the heart, the spirit, to one’s moral core, to the wallet, etc. Abuse and violence are not natural and inevitable aspects of intimate relationships. Abuse and control are embedded in the fabric of our society and in patterns of social relations as to seem natural.” – Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D. 

— Monica, 19, Houston, TX

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“Huh! If I could do it, I would. I really would, but I can’t. Right now, I just can’t. I am so angry at myself for being in this situation. I am letting him do this to me just because I need his money since I have nothing. I am so flat broke and with three kids to feed – they’re not even his, but he is helping out. I’m not even married to him, and I am here. If I could do it, I would. I would put piss in his drink. This husband of mine left no space in my body since everything is black and blue. See? Only my teeth are unbruised. He transforms into someone else when he is drunk. It’s like he’s Dr. Jekyll when sober, super sweet and loving. I then meet Mr. Hyde when he drinks his vodka which is almost every weekend. If not for the money, I’m gone. I really am gone.”

Wendy L. Patrick, Ph.D. says, “Victims who choose to bravely face the world under such circumstances often do not realize how obvious developing redness and swelling is to those around them.  Some perceptive acquaintances in close proximity may actually see the area around the injury changing color and appearance as the day progresses.  These observations prompt questions and expressions of concern, which are often met with implausible explanations of how the victim sustained the injury.”

— Tracy, 27, Albany, NY

“I can see how my dad disciplines my mom if she makes a mistake. What? Her mistakes? Oh, the usual – my mom being a minute late with preparing dinner, his clothes not pressed enough, or the water is not sparkling. I mean the usual stuff that homemakers are supposed to do right but my mom can’t seem to perfect it. Is it normal? Is it like that in your home too? Does your mom get punished as well? ‘Coz my mom gets reprimanded a lot. Like a lot. Every day, I think. But my dad gives her gifts too. He is so sweet, the perfect husband. My mom is just so stupid. If I were her when I grow up, I wouldn’t mess up as she did with the house chores. Dad is working so hard for all of us. It’s not easy to send us to private schools and put food on the table. The least she could do is provide a clean home. And she couldn’t do that?”

— Mary, 13, Malibu, CA

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“My sister can’t see it, but her husband is no good for her. One day, I swear, he is going to hurt her so bad that she will never recover. I am afraid for that day to come, and I can see it. But why can’t she? He lies. He cheats all the time, and he even lets her work since he is unemployed. Too cliché, right? I know. It’s like one for the movies, except it’s real. It’s happening to my sister. He even has the guts to walk over her and the worst, hit her like she’s a punching bag. I have tried to intervene so many times, but she won’t let me. Why won’t she let me?”

Andrea, Miami, FL

Have you heard these tales before? These are four women who spoke about domestic violence, each with their own story and lesson to learn.

Just remember one thing – no matter how bad you think you are, YOU DON’T DESERVE A MAN’S HAND ON YOU. You are not worthless. You are nothing. He doesn’t own you. He is not your boss.

Don’t forget your worth. If a man hits you, for even one slap, grab, pull, jab or punch, never come back to him. He is bound to hit you again, and inevitably, this will kill you mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and you know what, maybe even for real.

Hitting is never a sign of love, and if you think you can’t get out but need help, all you have to do is call the police. Just start from there. You can do this. You are a woman – an empowered and beautiful being.

Christine Murray, LPC, LMFT sends this strong message: “Just the fact that they’ve survived and lived to tell the story shows how strong they are, how resourceful. There is a lot of strength that comes through that process. They can be encouraged, and they don’t need to be ruined, [even though] that’s often how they feel.”


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