September 13, 2019 | Attitude And Behavior | No Comments
Get Out Of This Relationship Now!
Controlling partners have a whole arsenal of tools to dominate their partners and make them believe that they aren’t right. These signs may be one or more of the following:
Isolating You From Family And Friends
Have you heard your partner complaining about how often you talk with your siblings, friends or colleagues? Have you listened to your partner saying that he or she doesn’t like your best friends or to anyone you are used to relying on and that you should not hang out with them? Well, this is the first step to being a controlling partner. This is a way for him or her to strip you of your support network, and thus your strength.
Psychologist Dr. Lata McGinn says, “Any belittling questions or taunts could be an indication that they are not OK with it. Ideally, your partner should support you in having a life outside of your relationship. If they attempt to keep you within the confines of your partnership, that’s a major red flag.”
Your partner may seem to be at the peak of being a perfectionist who wants you to change many things in your life even small things. There is no wrong with getting criticisms especially that it may help you improve the way you do. However, if your partner is overdoing it, it may seem toxic. It is as if you are a robot being manipulated. The worst thing is a World War III occurs when you haven’t followed what your partner wants.
You may have heard your partner giving you all a heads up that if you do such thing (not specified but is about things like accusing you of having an affair), he or she will leave, will disregard your right to your children, or worse will hurt himself or herself. This is just a good way for your partner to get you stuck in this unhealthy relationship. “Whether or not the threats are genuine, it is just another way for the controlling person to get what they want at the expense of their partner,” wrote Andrea Bonior, Ph.D.
Do you feel that what you are right now is still not enough for your partner? That you have to get a degree first, you have to achieve this thing, and you have to change the way you do things, you have to change your hairdo, you have to change the way you dress and many more. This breaks the law of loving unconditionally.
Overactive Score Card
A healthy relationship is one that practices reciprocity. That is, you look after each other. Both of you are not expected to bean-count if you had done some help.
Making You Feel Guilty All The Time
A controlling partner is a great manipulator of emotions that even if it is his or her fault, you feel guilty believing that you have wronged.
Creating A Debt
Be careful of all the favors you are receiving from your partner as they may be used to control you. The fact that your partner has given you almost everything means that you will be left beholden to doing something for him or her in his favor.
Snooping, Spying Or Requiring Constant Disclosure
Your partner may be repetitively saying that, “If you don’t hide anything from me, you won’t mind me checking on your phone, accessing your messages and all.” In the end, you can’t do anything but let them do it. Your partner may be regularly keeping track of your internet history, messages in different social media platforms, outdoor activities and many more.
He or she may be demanding to get to know more about your life more than your partner is expected and is letting you know that it is his or her right to do it. However, this is a violation of your right to privacy, and apparently, this is just a sign of his or her trust in you which doesn’t have a strong foundation.
Accusations Without Basis, Extreme Jealousy And Overly Paranoid
Jealousy can be flattering in the beginning as they may serve as a sign of how much your partner cares for you. However, if this is not done in moderation, this may lead to being possessive. The tendency is that he or she will be looking at every act you do as flirtatious so he or she will keep on accusing you. Paranoia then develops.
Indeed, Joni E. Johnston, Psy.D. is right: “In any domestic violence situation, it should be asked about, talked about, and, if present, acted upon. As the old proverb goes, better a thousand times careful than once dead.”
More signs that you have a controlling partner will be discussed on the next blog. Until then!