Category: Attitude And Behavior

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A lot of children who are unsheltered from violence in the home are also typically victims of physical abuse. Those who see domestic violence or the victims themselves are at a greater risk for longstanding physical and emotional health problems. Additionally, children who are living with a parent who is physically or verbally abused are inclined to be violent in their other relationships in the future. If you are a parent, it is important to know the effects of domestic violence on your child and how you can protect them.

 

The Short-Term Effects

A child living with one parent who is abused may foster anxious and fearful emotions. He would be often guarded and anticipating the next violent incident to occur. He may react in various ways, depending on his age.

 

  • Child in preschool. A child who is often exposed to partner violence may be doing things he used to do when he was at a younger age, like bedwetting, constant whining and crying, and thumb-sucking. He also has problems with normal sleeping patterns, stuttering, and signs of intense separation anxiety.
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  • Child in middle school. Once the child reaches middle school and begins to understand violence for what it is, he may feel guilty when he sees his mom being hurt by his dad and may blame himself for the abuse. The usual personality of this child is not very positive, with low self-esteem, anti-social, and usual troublemaker.

 

  • Child in high school. Witnessing abuse can come out very negatively for the teenager in high school. He may subconsciously inculcate the abusive patterns and may become violent himself. This would include skipping school or fighting with family or friends. He is also inclined to engage in unprotected sex and alcohol or drug use. Most teens that are exposed to any form of abuse end up being bullies according to evidence-based studies. Boys and girls alike also experience depression and low self-esteem.

 

The Long-Term Effects

Today, there are over 15 million children in America who live in homes where physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse occurred at least once. Sadly, they have a greater likelihood of replicating the cycle when they go into their adulthood – they abuse their partners, or they get into abusive relationships in the future. On the other hand, those who experience abuse themselves are at a higher risk for mental and physical health issues, such as depression, anxiety, heart disease, diabetes, poor self-confidence, and many more.

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Healing From Abuse And Domestic Violence

 

There are different reactions to different children who witness or experience trauma. Some children may be tougher, while others are more delicate and weak. For healing to be possible, there must be a space for the child to relearn good habits and forming healthy relationships. He must also be taught how to regain his self-confidence. Finally, he must have a supportive network, like family, friends, and significant others, whose love and sympathy would tremendously help the child succeed in his journey towards healing and recovery.

 

Perhaps children will always remember the trauma they have seen or experienced. However, through good support and learning healthy strategies of dealing with the past, they will be on their way to recovery. The sooner it is that they find the help that they need, the better his chances are for successfully regaining his physical, mental, and emotional wellness.

 

 

 

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When you talk about empowerment self-defense, you don’t only discuss one’s physical skills – it’s more than just resisting an attack or countering one. That is why when you enroll in empowerment self-defense classes, you have to find one where the instructor discusses assertiveness, awareness, and physical skills. All these combined will help you find the means to escape, counterattack, survive, and recover from abuse, harassment, or assault.

When you choose a class, look for an experienced and proficient instructor, one who:

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  • Believes that when one is assaulted or abused, it is never his fault – he or she is the victim. Individuals don’t just ask for an assault to happen or invite someone to cause it. And they most definitely don’t deserve to be abused in any way. A person may make a wrong choice or poor judgment, but it doesn’t make her accountable for someone attacking her. The assailant is responsible for the assault and the use of compulsion, intimidation, threat, control, or violence that he does to another person.
  • Is aware of and supports the emotional truths of gay, lesbian, and women’s lives and is capable of working with each student wherever he or she is coming from. For instance, a proficient instructor adapts physical and verbal strategies and applies these to each of his students according to their strengths and weaknesses. They have customized programs for their students because they know that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to everything.
  • Has extensive knowledge and information on gender-based assaults and violence and tailors his classes around these facts. He may stress events that involve getting to know or finding your romantic partner, as this is one of the most common scenarios where assaults or abuse may happen.
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  • Empowers his students by encouraging them to practice self-defense as well as focusing on the empowerment classes as well. He makes sure that his students are comfortable in deciding how much they participate in class. There should be no pressure in performing exercises but rather should be eager enough to do them freely.
  • Has full respect in his students’ decisions in handling hazardous and life-threatening situations. He doesn’t condemn or judge the survivors but rather strives to instill self-esteem along with the knowledge and techniques on how to prevent abuse or assault from happening to them.
  • Teaches holistically by speaking about the general scope of gender-based violence and is holistic in the approaches that he discusses to his students. He includes topics like emotional and mental abuse, harassment, and other behaviors.
  • Has a comprehensive understanding of the effects of trauma to victims and survivors and aims to make learning empowerment self-defense and enriching and therapeutic process.
  • Aspires to teach his students the various tools and techniques that will help them prevent abuse or fight their assailants in uncontrollable circumstances. He strives to make the experience success-based and not fear-based.
  • With the rise in gender oppression, he promotes anti-racism and is explicitly clear to teach without attempts to judge, neglect, or condemn the victims.
  • Understands that this gender-based violence is something that is seen in all genders, including men and women. It is an expression of all types of oppression that also adds to the already rising social problems in society.

 

A good instructor, therefore, can truly make a significant difference between being excited and suddenly discouraged and scared. He sees to it that each of his students will soon believe that nothing in life is to be feared – it is only to be understood.

 

 

 

These days, it’s not surprising to hear news about teens and adolescents being sexually and physically abused by people they trust the most – teachers, coaches, priests or ministers, and family members themselves. But the parents and guardians will never get used to the fear, anxiety, and hurt just imagining if these things happened to their kids. These situations are concrete examples of how trusted individuals misuse their power and positions to assault kids.

As a parent, I can’t’ help but wonder if I know how to identify the signs of attempted abuse. Can I protect my kids? What do I do?

I learned these strategies, and I am sharing it here so that concerned parents and guardians may help prevent what terrible circumstances might happen to the children that they love so much.

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  • Listen To Your Kids And Establish A No-Secret Rule To Unsafe Topics. Most of these abusers lurking close to your kids have strong bonds with them, which is why the abuse is not often felt or seen initially. Psychologists state that pedophiles would often test a child’s limitations by committing a mistake. For example, he could use profane language in front of the child and then tells the child not to tell his parents because then they wouldn’t be able to play or talk with each other anymore. If this works and the child doesn’t tell his parents, then this child is the perfect target for the abuser.

A pedophile was interviewed and asked about how to protect children from individuals like him. His fast reply was, “Please listen to your children!” He advises parents to instill in their kids the habit of talking to their parents about anything and everything. Most importantly, listening to your children encourages them to tell you even their feared secrets, which are the most crucial things you must know. Listen and ask questions, but do not lecture. And make it clear to them that secrets about people giving them gifts, touching them, taking pictures or videos of them, and asking them to be alone with them are not safe at all – even if these people are close to them.

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  • Prioritize Your Children. Your child’s self-esteem and safety are more essential than anyone’s inconvenience or wrongdoing. If you feel that your child has a safety issue, you must take full responsibility to do something about it before something bad or dangerous even happens. This includes talking about safety with other parents in school and the community. Speak up about it and be persistent in doing so until appropriate action is done to address the issue. Don’t just speak up and stop once you’ve done it. Follow up and ask what’s going on and if something is done. Remember that children and teens that are abused need all the protection and help that they can. The abusers must be stopped at all costs.
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  • Be Sure You Know What People Are Doing When They Are With Your Children. As far as the news and real stories go, we all know that anyone can abuse our kids. This is a hard truth that parents and caring guardians must acknowledge and be vigilant about. So if your child has a dance rehearsal, for instance, make sure there IS a dance rehearsal going on. If she’s part of the school choir, see to it that she is IN the choir with her choir mates and her instructor. There is no reason for your child to be alone with someone in these activities. If they tell you at any point that their instructor called them and talked with them alone, then find out immediately why and what it’s about.

 

Conclusion

In this world where anything can happen, and even the closest of friends and family can harm our children, it is only understandable that we do not give our trust so quickly. Don’t give it because they are members of known organizations, or schools, or even a church. If these people are connected in any way with your child, check them out for yourself. And always believe in your intuition. Most likely, you will never go wrong.

 

 

 

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I’m sure we share the experience of having to walk alone in the streets feeling scared and anxious. Sometimes we’d be sitting on the bus, and we feel someone looking at us from our peripheral view, and we get goosebumps. We’ve all been there. Don’t worry – you’re not paranoid. It’s not only you.

In a survey done last year, about 80% of women reported having been assaulted or sexually harassed. More than 50% of that population experienced verbal abuse – this was the most common type of harassment revealed in the survey. Nearly 30% of these women experienced sexual abuse. If you were among the few who have never tried to be in a situation where you felt unsafe or in danger, it would be reassuring to learn about what strategies you can learn to help yourself should you experience these unfortunate situations.

Below is a list of self-defense strategies or moves for the women out there who want to feel safe and confident that they can defend themselves in any circumstance.

Source: functionalselfdefense.org

Groin Kick. If someone attempts to come at you from the front, kick the assailant from the groin with sufficient force to weaken him, making your getaway possible.

Execution: Find your balance. Then lift your leading or stronger leg to drive your knee forward and up. Move your hips forward while extending your leading leg, making a forceful kick by contacting your shin against the assailant’s groin area.

 

Hammer Strike. This strategy is done using the keys of your car. It’s better than using your nails and risking injury to your hands. When you’re walking to your car, and you feel unsafe or anxious, hold your keys in a way that they stick out from one end of your fist. This is the hammer strike.

Execution: Grasp your key ring inside your fist, with the edge of the keys extending from one side of your fist. Defend yourself by ‘hammering’ your assailant.

 

Elbow Strike. You can do this if your attacker is within proximity, and you can’t push him before making a punch or a kick.

Execution: Contract your core and legs for stability before doing a strong hit by pushing your weight forward and forcing your bent elbow towards your attacker’s neck or chin.

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Getting Away With The Hands Trapped. This is more physical because the assailant traps your arms from behind. First, don’t lose your presence of mind and make sure that your assailant’s arms don’t go higher. Then quickly move your hips to one side, allowing you to strike the groin. Now, raise your hands and the opposite elbow to form into a wrap.

Remember to keep your arms hugged to your chest as you do this. Whatever extremity is free, be aggressive with your counter strikes either by arm or knee.

 

Getting Away From A Bear Hug Assault. In this case, the assailant is also attacking you from behind, and this strategy is very effective. The key is to go low and to make space for freeing your extremities.

Execution: When the assailant grasps you, stoop down from the waist, allowing you to move your weight to the front and making it hard for your assailant to carry you. This also provides you with a much better angle to move your elbows from side to side to hit the assailant’s face. When you have more freedom, you can be able to strike him again to hurt his face or the groin. Finally, you will be able to get away from the grasp.

 

Conclusion

These five strategies are simple to follow and very useful for your safety and protection as a woman. You and your kids can benefit well from these moves. Defend yourselves by learning more about these strategies.

 

 

 

Get Out Of This Relationship, Quick!

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Some women think that having a jealous or controlling boyfriend is cute. You hear them say – “Oh, he loves me so much. He doesn’t want any other guy to look at me and get near me.” And then, they swoon. This is a dangerous path to tread on because manipulative and controlling partners are mentally unstable. In the end, they will hurt you if not physically, verbally, psychologically, emotionally, and mentally.

Here are more signs of controlling partners, as a continuation of the blog’s Part 1:

Not Respecting The Need For An Alone Time

Sometimes you may feel you need time to be alone for you to reflect and recharge. However, your partner may misinterpret this as you wanting to escape from his or her company.

Making You “Earn” Trust Or Other Good Treatment

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You are then required always to let him, or she gets full access to your messages so you can earn his or her trust. This is unhealthy as trust should be given without any condition.

Presuming You’re Guilty Until Proven Innocent

A controlling partner is skilled enough in making you believe in his or her justification. He or she may tell you or worse present evidence to make you think that you had committed a “crime” as it may seem. They do this so you may realize that you should not do the same thing again but do the things he or she is expected you to do instead.

Manipulating You Until You Get Tired Of Arguing That You Will Relent

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Your partner may be too argumentative that you don’t want to deal with it anymore, so you zip your mouth and let him or her does what he or she wants.

Making You Feel Bad About Your Beliefs

Your partner may let you feel that you are small and not “enough” for him or her. It is better if your partner allows you to engage in a discussion where both of your share ideas freely and concerning each other’s views.

Making You Feel That You Don’t “Measure Up”

Your partner may directly or indirectly make you feel that you are not enough. Your partner may be lifting his or her accomplishments as compared to yours. You may have been compared to his or her exes and that you should be grateful for being in a relationship with him or her.

Making Fun Of You

Humor and teasing your partner can be a fundamental way of interaction to both of you. However, your partner may be doing this with a little touch of criticism about you and thus hurt you. When you try to open it up to her, you are being misinterpreted of not being able to weigh serious matters from merely jokes.

Uncomfortable Sexual Interactions

Abusive and controlling behavior can also be exhibited even in sexual interactions that it becomes upsetting already.

Unwillingness To Hear Your Opinion

Your opinions are not being acknowledged. It is as if you don’t have a voice. When you talk, you are being interrupted.

Pressuring You Towards Unhealthy Behaviors And Vices

You may be forced to try things even if you unwanted it likes smoking a cigarette, drinking liquor or trying to take illegal drugs.

Making Your Doubt Yourself

Your partner may be planting seeds of doubt whether you can do things or not. This may lead to lower self-esteem. This is another way they can throw away your autonomy, that makes you more beholden to them—and then, charmingly serving their purposes.

If you notice more than a couple of these signs within your relationship, take it seriously and solve the problem immediately by leaving. The more you take it for granted, the more it would deepen. Things will get worse, and you will suffer immensely.

A person may face hardships and trials, but none as hard as when confronted with the threat of violence at home.  A person’s home should be a place of refuge and security.  When it ceases to be a place of peace because there is a threat of violence, this is considered domestic assault.

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What Is Domestic Assault?

A husband slaps his wife because she forgot to cook.  A mother locks her kids in the closet for misbehaving.

Both scenarios above are examples of domestic assault, and as such everyone regardless of age, gender and orientation must be protected from them.  Domestic violence is an act of abuse against anyone living in the same household.  It is a threat of violence against any family member affiliated either by blood or marriage, against roommates and even people that are and were dating.  Understanding domestic assault and accepting its many ugly forms is the first step in battling it.

What Are Some Examples?

Certain types of assault fall under domestic aggressive.  Threatening a person’s well-being by feigning punches is considered an assault.  Making a person feel threatened that she fears for her life is another. Hitting, biting and shoving are the more obvious examples.

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Sexual coercion on the other hand, whether between spouses or people in a relationship still constitutes domestic assault as long as consent is not given its sexual abuse. It doesn’t matter if a couple has been married for years, rape is rape and it cannot be cloaked under the mantle of matrimony.

Is It Just Physical?

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Physical wounds heal.  In time all scars will disappear, and yet domestic assault is not just physical.  It can also be emotional and more often than not has an economic component.  Abuse is all about power.  Abusers may systematically erode a person’s self-worth without inflicting any physical injury but through words and actions and by withholding financial support.  This does not mean that people who have financial resources don’t get abused, but it’s more common for those who don’t have the means of escaping or the money to be able to live outside the home.

How Can One Fight Back Against Domestic Assault?

Any abuse is best battled by speaking up.  Things will never get better and in time will get worse. The first step in fighting back abuse is acknowledging that it’s happening.  This can be hard especially for people who have been repeatedly abused.  But if a person finds the courage to get out of the relationship, be armed with everything.  Threatening notes, emails, texts and other information that will prove the abuse is vital. 

Physical evidence must be documented along with instances and place of abuse because a lawyer who is experienced in handling domestic assault will need resources to prove your case.  There are also shelters and legal assistance available for victims of abuse as well as organizations that help people get out and stay out of the abusive relationship.

Punishments Of Domestically Assault

Depending on the gravity of the abuse, for instance, the Florida courts usually jail domestic abusers for five days with some being sentenced to longer prison time.  Community service or probation is also a typical sentence. For offenders who commit assault and battery, additional criminal charges are given and sentenced between 60 days to a year for a misdemeanor and up to 15 years for felonies.

How Can Victims Find Reassurance And Stability To Move Forward?

Support systems are in place to help any victim of domestic abuse. If you or your loved one is being abused, first contact a lawyer to get the right support. Some legal professionals are equipped to deal and assist victims in all stages- from getting out to filing charges and eventually during recovery time.   Likewise, there are local support groups in your area which can help you find your way back to normalcy.

Get Out Of This Relationship Now!

Controlling partners have a whole arsenal of tools to dominate their partners and make them believe that they aren’t right. These signs may be one or more of the following:

Isolating You From Family And Friends

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Have you heard your partner complaining about how often you talk with your siblings, friends or colleagues? Have you listened to your partner saying that he or she doesn’t like your best friends or to anyone you are used to relying on and that you should not hang out with them? Well, this is the first step to being a controlling partner. This is a way for him or her to strip you of your support network, and thus your strength.

Chronic Criticism

Your partner may seem to be at the peak of being a perfectionist who wants you to change many things in your life even small things. There is no wrong with getting criticisms especially that it may help you improve the way you do. However, if your partner is over doing it, it may seem toxic. It is as if you are a robot being manipulated. The worst thing is a World War III occurs when you haven’t followed what your partner wants.

Threats

You may have heard your partner giving you all a heads up that if you do such thing (not specified but is about things like accusing you of having an affair), he or she will leave, will disregard your right to your children, or worse will hurt himself or herself. This is just a good way for your partner to get you stuck in this unhealthy relationship.

Attraction Conditional

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Do you feel that what you are right now is still not enough for your partner? That you have to get a degree first, you have to achieve this thing, and you have to change the way you do things, you have to change your hairdo, you have to change the way you dress and many more. This breaks the law of loving unconditionally.

Overactive Score Card

A healthy relationship is one that practices reciprocity. That is, you look after each other. Both of you are not expected to bean-count if you had done some help.

Making You Feel Guilty All The Time

A controlling partner is a great manipulator of emotions that even if it is his or her fault, you feel guilty believing that you have wronged.

Creating A Debt

Be careful of all the favors you are receiving from your partner as they may be used to control you. The fact that your partner has given you almost everything means that you will be left beholden to doing something for him or her in his favor.

Snooping, Spying Or Requiring Constant Disclosure

Your partner may be repetitively saying that, “If you don’t hide anything from me, you won’t mind me checking on your phone, accessing your messages and all.” In the end, you can’t do anything but let them do it. Your partner may be regularly keeping track of your internet history, messages in different social media platforms, outdoor activities and many more.

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He or she may be demanding to get to know more about your life more than your partner is expected and is letting you know that it is his or her right to do it. However, this is a violation of your right to privacy, and apparently, this is just a sign of his or her trust in you which doesn’t have a strong foundation.

Accusations Without Basis, Extreme Jealousy And Overly Paranoid

Jealousy can be flattering in the beginning as they may serve as a sign of how much your partner cares for you. However, if this is not done in moderation, this may lead to being possessive. The tendency is that he or she will be looking at every act you do as flirtatious so he or she will keep on accusing you. Paranoia then develops.

More signs that you have a controlling partner will be discussed on the next blog. Until then!

 

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“He wouldn’t hurt me. My boyfriend said so – I am his dove. He says he will take care of me since I am so pure and innocent. He wouldn’t hurt me, intentionally. I mean, it was an accident. I’m so clumsy. I always have been. It’s nothing, really. When he moved his hand in the air, I hurriedly turned and so, we clashed. That was it. I mean, he loves me. He loves me so much. He wouldn’t hurt me.” (more…)

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Are you one of those adult women who want to make evident changes in her wardrobe yet still does not want to throw away all of her other clothes? I know how you feel — I have been in your shoes not too long ago, too. The flannels that I used to love became boring after a few years, and so I wanted to change things up. However, any wardrobe change should not come at the cost of your mental health, to the point that you need to see a psychologist after.

Mind you; you do not have to be in your 30s or 40s to be called as an adult. After your 21st birthday, whether you like it or not, you are already considered as a full-fledged adult. However, I am not saying this to emphasize that you are already old because you are not. You are just a mature woman who is not completely satisfied in her preference of clothing at the moment and is looking for some things that can suit you better.

In my opinion, adding “ruffles” to your wardrobe or touching up your usual choice of apparel should mainly be based on what is comfortable for you in terms of cost and of being seen in public in it. I had to mention cost since it is pretty obvious that you do not want to spend too much; that’s why you are not trying to do a total makeover to your wardrobe. And it is not a bad thing. We are in a generation where not everything good has to be expensive, and this is the same reason why even women who have more than enough to spend for clothes find it more practical to just add small details to their closet necessities than changing everything.

However, if it will make you feel better to listen to some tips that other girls can impart to you, those things that are already classified as “tried and tested” are all here.

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Be A Little More On The Conservative Side

When you grow up, your taste with clothes should grow up with you, too. You are now an adult lady, so it is quite expected that you will look like a woman of substance, elegance, and power, and not a woman who, unfortunately, has not outgrown her love for colorful dresses. I am not saying that you should be tiresome to look at now, but you do not need to wear outfits with plunging neckline to be told that you are not that old for such garments either. It all comes down to how you carry yourself and the cover-up that makes you look fantabulous.

Invest In Beautiful Footwear

Some people think that you should buy cool-looking shoes more when you are a teenager because you will not be able to use them in your adulthood. That is partly a lie because you may not be ready to wear them when you are pregnant and when you are busy running after your kids, but you will not be pregnant all your life, and your kids will grow, too. So, you still do need to invest in excellent footwear like wedges, pumps, and gladiators so that despite your age, you will always come out as classy, that you are getting older with style.

Blazers

You should have any type of blazer in your closet, especially the boyfriend blazer. It can look good with almost all kinds of clothes and is very comfortable to wear. Of course, it can make any apparel look chic and classy.

Jeggings

There are now these new leggings which can hug your curves perfectly while looking like jeans. They are very reasonable to wear for anyone because they feel less stuffy than our usual denim or black pants.

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Jewelry and Accessories

You are now in the age in which plastic or wooden jewelry is not as highly advisable to wear as when you were in your teens. You should invest more in simple diamond studs, pearls, or any gem that can define your maturity without making you resemble a senior citizen. Gold and silver are good choices, too; do not overdo them or else you will look like you have hepatitis or something like that. And finally slaying with a good choice of bag may help you look more elegant. Take a look at the best purses for mom and find the best fit your personality.

Final Thoughts

You still have a long way to go, woman, as far as fashion goes. It is as fluid as water. It always changes! Nevertheless, what you need to make sure is that you should mature WITH style. Now, that is something that you should not forget. Cheers!