Category: Attitude And Behavior

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Not many people talk about verbal abuse in the relationship. That’s because a part of the society already accepted it as a norm. That whatever people say to others, it is only an expression of what they think and feel. But in reality, a lot of individuals use it as an excuse to abuse the people who don’t deserve the treatment. The abuser doesn’t realize how a specific word can bring too much anxiety and depression. (more…)


Depression chooses no one. It can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, age, and even profession. Fact is, it can also happen to the medical professionals curing this condition. You may take it lightly since they are the masters in this field, but seriously, it’s not something to be brushed off about. It is alarming. The 2015 Portland Healthcare Systems Research Network Conference talks about it, as well.


The abusive relationship often starts as a passionate and incredibly intense love affair of two individuals who seemingly look so perfect together. Therefore, it is not very easy to tell if the relationship can become abusive or not. The controlling behavior doesn’t always appear overnight and a person’s real personality sometimes only shows up after a triggering factor such as argument, misunderstanding, and disagreement.

However, warning signs do exist. It can somehow make people recognize the determining factor of an abusive relationship even without proof of physical marks. Because domestic violence intensifies as the relationship stays longer and develops, people should have an idea of things that make a relationship seemingly odd. From there, stop whatever it is that waste time and effort in securing a commitment that doesn’t support overall wellness.

Wendy L. Patrick, Ph.D. says, “Whether physical or emotional, some abusers who mistreat their partners confine their abuse within their own home, ensuring there is no “evidence” for concerned family, friends or co-workers to observe.”


A lot of individuals probably think that domestic violence won’t happen to them. That is because they like to create an imaginary world inside their heads that things around them are perfect and untouchable. However, it’s not always the case. Because even if the love of their lives happens to be the best person they ever knew, things can still change in an instant. Sometimes, though they thought about not allowing an abusive relationship to happen, they can’t control the possibility of abusive behaviors. Of course, no one wants an unhealthy relationship. But the problem is, every commitment does not start badly at all.

Let’s face it. As a society, we bind to the idea that once a person is abusive, he needs to get out of our lives. However, the process of letting go becomes hard and daunting. That’s the reason why most people in the relationship choose the situation to stay as is. Is that stupid? Yes, precisely!

Everything Moves Too Fast

A common indication of an abusive relationship is its fast-paced acceleration. Watching it progress makes individuals want more of it. With that, they forget to look out for the red flags that make it impossible for a strong commitment to prosper. That’s because people like it when decisions appear to be constant when it is entirely not. Couples always feel the need of seeing each other every night, they want to move in together, they partake in each other’s personal decisions, and they plan for the future. That is even if they only share several weeks or months. There’s a feeling of “claimed” commitment that pushes both to consider doing things for the sake of the relationship.


There Are Unrealistic Expectations

As the relationship stays longer as things progress, couples become more serious about the demands. The buildup of “should” becomes endless that it locks decision-making into a single advantage. With that, new abusive signs start to develop, and these include unrealistic expectations. It may seem okay to consider how their partner should or should not cut their hair, should or should not wear revealing clothes, should or should not spend time with other people, and so on. With that, it becomes clear that domestic violence is only an inch away from happening. That’s due to the assumption of the other person’s indecisive approach that the other one won’t be able to handle.

The situation indicates that one of the couples knows better than the other which gives the power to control whatever it is that he or she likes. And because this attitude appears to increase over time, others might not know who they are. That if one is not living up to the expectation of his or her partner, then everything good in the relationship becomes impossible to keep. Deborah Cohan, Ph.D. wrote, “Abuse creates a web of fear for the victim and the feeling of walking on eggshells, and it creates low self-esteem and ambivalence.”


The Love Bombing

Love bombing can take many forms such as excessive calling and texting. Sometimes, people overwhelm their partners with gifts and flattery. Though at first it is not perceived as a bombardment because of the initial behavior the other one is doing, it will show true intentions eventually. But since people often get blinded with the truth, they automatically assume that negative behavior is merely a result of their uncomfortable feelings. With this process, it creates a foundation that love only has a limited scope.

With that, it builds up jealousy and hypersensitivity that make someone overacting. That even little thing that shouldn’t matter eventually becomes a big deal. It could be a joke, a comment, or other little things that don’t entirely connect to a particular relationship issue. Domestic violence then comes in when these small issues grow big and unmanageable. But because people get bombarded with too much attention they thought is love, they begin to ignore the fact that relationship is more than a single working factor.

According to Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., “A partner who views every interaction you have as being flirtatious, is suspicious or threatened by multiple people you come in contact with, or faults you for innocent interactions because they may be “leading someone on” may be insecure, anxious, competitive or even paranoid. Additionally, when this perspective becomes ingrained within your relationship, they very likely are attempting to be controlling as well.”

People have a different outlook when it comes to a relationship. What might work for some, doesn’t mean to work on everyone. What someone feels might not be the same as others as well. But in general, a relationship shouldn’t have to hurt domestically.



There are roughly millions of people who subject to domestic abuse every year. And this doesn’t include the numbers of perpetrators against children by the battering parents. It’s a difficult problem that shutting it seems tremendously impossible to do.  Though society spreads awareness in dealing it down, the battle still takes its toll as the cases continue to grow even more significant year after year.

People know domestic abuse as a person’s physical, emotional and mental torture to his partner or spouse. However, it’s more than that. There are disturbing truths about domestic abuse that you might know, but chooses to ignore. Let me take the opportunity to retaliate those things for you.

“Domestic violence is not a “relationship problem” or a “rough patch” in a relationship,” explains Marjie L. Roddick, LMHC. “It is ongoing. It is a pattern of behavior that tends to begin with something seemingly minor, which then escalates over time and becomes increasingly dangerous in nature,” she adds.


The Cycle Never Stops

Many abusers have the power to convince their victims to take back their complaints. As a result, perpetrators easily walk out of the situation without receiving the appropriate punishment. People say you can’t blame the victims because they are attached to the abuser. That’s why there’s always repentance and forgiveness, and never considers retribution.

To make matters worse, there’s a high percentage that victims always or nearly end up getting back with the abuser. That’s maybe because victims believe that second chances can become favorable. This type of mentality needs to change.


Nobody Deserves It

Many victims endure domestic abuse because they believe they deserve it. Many of them choose to stay committed with their abusive partner when at the back of their minds, they know they have to leave. People may question their decision, but that is all because victims lack self-esteem. Most of them don’t dare to face their fears. So instead of fighting for their safety and wellness, they pushed themselves to become guilty and always at fault. The abuser trains the victims’ minds to believe that they couldn’t do anything. That’s why most of them less likely to consider asking for help and advice.


For Deborah Cohan, Ph.D., “Though women may wind up scarred and scared from the experience, and often not presenting well, seeming angry, depressed, and anxious, while abusers can present better and calmer, it is also crucial to understand that victims do resist. Sometimes resistance may be subtle and less explicit. In fact, resistance is always present, because violence is unwanted.”

History Repeats Itself

You might never notice, but most of the victims of abuse sometimes become abusers themselves. People think that once they experience horrible things in their life, they always moved on and learned from it, and never do it to others. It’s never always like that. Though there are some that survive the terrible experience, there are also those people who get caught up in most of the situations. Instead of becoming the opposite person they once feared, they eventually become the exact person that hurts and torment others. Mental illness somehow causes these types of situations. Though no one is to blame, it still requires resolution.

These three factors are only a couple of reasons why most perpetrators seem to have problems stopping doing violence. The cycle continues even if there are laws that aim to protect everyone. Most abusers walk free of consequences, and somehow society already accepts and lives on it. People don’t understand that ignoring these things will not prevent domestic violence from happening again. So next time you witness or experience abuse, think about stopping it before it gets worst.

To end, Rochelle Long, LMHC, reminds us that “Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.”