December 7, 2018 | Attitude And Behavior | No Comments
There are roughly millions of people who subject to domestic abuse every year. And this doesn’t include the numbers of perpetrators against children by the battering parents. It’s a difficult problem that shutting it seems tremendously impossible to do. Though society spreads awareness in dealing it down, the battle still takes its toll as the cases continue to grow even more significant year after year.
People know domestic abuse as a person’s physical, emotional and mental torture to his partner or spouse. However, it’s more than that. There are disturbing truths about domestic abuse that you might know, but chooses to ignore. Let me take the opportunity to retaliate those things for you.
“Domestic violence is not a “relationship problem” or a “rough patch” in a relationship,” explains Marjie L. Roddick, LMHC. “It is ongoing. It is a pattern of behavior that tends to begin with something seemingly minor, which then escalates over time and becomes increasingly dangerous in nature,” she adds.
The Cycle Never Stops
Many abusers have the power to convince their victims to take back their complaints. As a result, perpetrators easily walk out of the situation without receiving the appropriate punishment. People say you can’t blame the victims because they are attached to the abuser. That’s why there’s always repentance and forgiveness, and never considers retribution.
To make matters worse, there’s a high percentage that victims always or nearly end up getting back with the abuser. That’s maybe because victims believe that second chances can become favorable. This type of mentality needs to change.
Nobody Deserves It
Many victims endure domestic abuse because they believe they deserve it. Many of them choose to stay committed with their abusive partner when at the back of their minds, they know they have to leave. People may question their decision, but that is all because victims lack self-esteem. Most of them don’t dare to face their fears. So instead of fighting for their safety and wellness, they pushed themselves to become guilty and always at fault. The abuser trains the victims’ minds to believe that they couldn’t do anything. That’s why most of them less likely to consider asking for help and advice.
For Deborah Cohan, Ph.D., “Though women may wind up scarred and scared from the experience, and often not presenting well, seeming angry, depressed, and anxious, while abusers can present better and calmer, it is also crucial to understand that victims do resist. Sometimes resistance may be subtle and less explicit. In fact, resistance is always present, because violence is unwanted.”
History Repeats Itself
You might never notice, but most of the victims of abuse sometimes become abusers themselves. People think that once they experience horrible things in their life, they always moved on and learned from it, and never do it to others. It’s never always like that. Though there are some that survive the terrible experience, there are also those people who get caught up in most of the situations. Instead of becoming the opposite person they once feared, they eventually become the exact person that hurts and torment others. Mental illness somehow causes these types of situations. Though no one is to blame, it still requires resolution.
These three factors are only a couple of reasons why most perpetrators seem to have problems stopping doing violence. The cycle continues even if there are laws that aim to protect everyone. Most abusers walk free of consequences, and somehow society already accepts and lives on it. People don’t understand that ignoring these things will not prevent domestic violence from happening again. So next time you witness or experience abuse, think about stopping it before it gets worst.
To end, Rochelle Long, LMHC, reminds us that “Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.”